Headlines & Opinion Pieces from Horror, Sci-Fi & Fantasy

KATHY'S EDITING BAY

New Beal Column - 5/17/2024

Deadline: 5/21/2024

DO IT AGAIN

by Nicholas Beal

Just like many of you, I have a real love/hate relationship with movie remakes. The good ones give me the warm fuzzies. The bad ones make me want to drive the people who were stupid enough to make them out to the desert and leave them for dead. Whenever I tell someone that and they look at me with disdain, I ask them if they’ve seen the 1998 Psycho remake and they instantly understand my position. See? In the right context, my actions suddenly aren’t as barbaric as they initially seem. Anyway, before we delve into the black pit of excrement that is Gus Van Sant’s Psycho, let’s start with a few high notes.

John Carpenter’s The Thing is the perfect example of a remake done right. Now, I refuse to go into the semantics of what makes a remake a remake. I fully understand that Carpenter’s The Thing follows the source material, (John W. Campbell’s novella, “Who Goes There?”) more closely than the Hawks/Nyby Thing From Another World. But Carpenter’s movie is every bit a remake and that’s that. And although I have mad love for The Thing From Another World, John Carpenter realized that if you plan on remaking that movie at the end of the twentieth century, with all of that technology and freedom at your disposal, you’d damn well better swing for the proverbial fences. And that’s exactly what he did. His no holds barred approach is what makes it so special. In fact, I usually sum up the differences by saying that The Thing From Another World is a monster movie and John Carpenter’s The Thing is a fucking monster movie.

Sometimes the success of a remake has everything to do with the telling. And Tom Savini’s Night Of The Living Dead pushes all the right buttons. Believe me, when I first heard that he and George A. Romero were remaking one of the most iconic movies in the history of the modern-day horror film, I thought it was going to end up being one giant dung heap. So, I waited to see it on home video. That ended up one of the few times I have been dead wrong. Sooooooooo wrong. I should have seen it in the theater. Savini’s directing is absolutely great! And the way he and Romero twisted the original story just enough to throw everyone off was nothing short of brilliant. Now, almost 35 years later, I look forward to seeing it at least twice per year and I’ve met almost all of the principals including, before his untimely death, Tom Towles.

I also love Cronenberg’s The Fly, and really like Eisner’s The Crazies, Muschietti’s IT, Russell’s The Blob and Kaufman’s Invasion Of The Body Snatchers

On the other hand, I dislike Snyder’s Dawn Of The Dead and admit that I don’t understand all the love for it. I thought the first ten minutes were pretty damned good. But right after that overhead shot of Sarah Polley driving away from her neighborhood, it just became a tired mess, in my humble opinion. And zombies that can run faster than Ricky Henderson, in his prime, do nothing for the good-looking makeup effects the film has to offer.

I can’t stand Nespal’s Texas Chainsaw Massacre either. It’s one big pungent colonoscopy to me. And as bad as most of it is, the part where they explain that Leatherface’s ornery disposition is probably due to a skin condition is so groan-inducing that I almost pulled a Hendrix and choked on my own vomit. (What? Still too soon? It’s been almost 55 years!!!)

I have seething hatred for Gus Van Sant’s Psycho. I’ve spoken and written, ad nauseum, about the shower scene. Hitchcock does a masterful job of getting that difficult-to-shoot scene whittled down to perfection and Van Sant basically steals it, shot-for-shot in the remake… Well, except for the cow.

Now before you go thinking that your old pal Nicholas Beal has gone all cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs, look at the scene. Marion Crane gets into the shower, Norman Bates enters the bathroom, a shit ton of stabbing takes place and BAM! There’s the fucking cow in the middle of the fucking road! Now, I’m not here to interpret Gus Van Sant’s artistic decisions. I’ll leave that to those ass-wipes who see deep meaning in every oddball shot in a piece of “cinematic art.” All I’m saying is that the cow took me right out of the scene and if it did that to the masses, then it was a pretty stupid decision by the old Gusmeister.

There is another category that we haven’t gone over yet:

Remakes I Refuse To Watch

All of the recent Texas Chainsaw movies should have been on this list. But I was doing research for a project. So, stupidly, I checked all of them out. Ugh!

Luca Guadagnino’s Suspiria is permanently on that short list. No matter what the IMDB says, there is only ONE Suspiria. It was released in 1977 and was masterfully directed by the great Dario Argento. Any remake would either pale in comparison, artistically, or be a generic piece of crap. And at my age, I’m not taking 90 minutes of whatever time I have left to park my ass on the couch, watch a movie I knew ahead of time that I was going to loathe, all the while trying to keep Heather amused until we can play Bang Bus as the end credits roll. No sir. Not this guy. Life’s too short to waste a second on some schmuck who thought he could bring his “special vision” to an established masterpiece. It didn’t work with The Texas Chain Saw Massacre and it sure as shit won’t work with Suspiria.

Later.

Cale's New Review - Good To Go

LAKE PLACID (1999)

By Cale Patterson aka Married2Horror

I remember watching Lake Placid, just not the when, the where, or the with whom parts. And, after some deliberation with the hubby, we narrowed down the time frame to “Pre-Ricky Era”.

Shocked?

Me too!

Apparently, I’ve watched some horror movies before my marriage to my “all about the horror genre” partner. A few of them, to be exact. A fact that still shocks my Ricky. In fact, he gets visibly irate whenever my cousin and I reminisce about seeing John Carpenter’s Halloween. By "reminisce", I mean making heavy breathing noises and laughing maniacally. Those were some hella fun bonding times for us and I refuse to apologize for it!

But I digress…

The Plot: During a routine beaver nest wellness check at a lake in Maine, a scuba diving Fish and Game Officer is attacked by a massive unknown creature. This event sets the stage for our colorful collection of characters to figure out what the creature is and, hopefully, how to stop it.

Although it’s firmly in the “killer animal” category, which is absolutely horror, Lake Placid boasts some delightfully dark humor with wee hits of adventure. The bigger than life characters take themselves seriously, believing every bit of their world. The chemistry and relationships they have with one another are both comical and endearing, giving levity to tense situations that fall just on the right side of “not campy”. This movie works wonderfully as introductory horror, since the gore is more gag-like than gratuitous, and intense events are spaced out. The practical creature effects by award winning Stan Winston Studios are superb and they are still unrivaled in my humble opinion. Everyone brings their A-game with performances deserving of accolades, but my favorite standout character by far is the quirky Mrs. Bickerman, and you’ll get why, once you watch this movie.

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Rick's New Column - Good To Go

Why Would Terry O’ Quinn be at Best Buy?

A Film Fury

by Rick Patterson

2013 held a rough summer for Clan Patterson. Much turmoil was brought to us by the mother of my first child, Derek. She wanted custody. With a very expensive lawyer, (a tall drink of water I affectionally named Big Bird), she pulled me into court. It wasn’t the first time she had attempted to make ripples, but it was the first all-out attack. I obtained the best attorney I could afford to combat the onslaught, to no avail. Big Bird painted many an unflattering picture of your writer, culminating in Derek being ordered to stay with his Mother for the entire summer. We weren’t allowed to see him at all.

Before his departure, as a Father’s Day gift, I received a Blu-ray set of the entire Die Hard series. Well, nearly. The fifth, and worst of the franchise was in theaters and the set was a way to promote the new John McClane adventure. And much to my chagrin, the Renny Harlin directed Die Hard 2: Die Harder failed to work properly in my player. It always seemed to freeze during the airport scaffold sequence. [One quick detour, my peeps. Why the hell was Harlin forced off our cinematic radars? I mean, the dude directed Prison, one of the best films produced by Empire Pictures. His Nightmare On Elm Street 4: The Dream Master is a top tier Freddy sequel, right under New Nightmare. Speaking of Freddy, Harlin gave us Robert England as a British hitman in The Adventures Of Ford Fairlane. All I can say is: Booty time, booty time. Across the U - S - A. If you know, you know.]

The Die Hard set sporting a shaved headed McClane was purchased at Best Buy. And after attempting to watch part 2 twice, with no success, I figured it was time to return it. So with Derek gone and time on our hands, my youngest son Caleb and I ventured to return it on a usual, sweltering, day on the beach - July 13, 2013.

This is a now forgotten time. Best Buy had once carried a thing of lore known as…..MEDIA! Long rows of DVDs and Blu-rays, as many as five rows of them. A digital cornfield for every genre. I remember when they had Anchor Bay titles in their weekly circular, advertising the likes of Suspiria alongside major studio releases. It was an exclusive box set with the film's score on CD. Their connection to horror films was quite strong. They were the first to carry the original Masters Of Horror DVD releases with limited edition cards of its directors. If you don’t have a trading card of Tobe Hooper in your collection, can you really call yourself a horror fan?

The line for returns was of “after Christmas” proportions. Little Caleb had leaned against me in I’m-a-10-year-old-so-bored-to-be-here mode. He was years from a growth spurt and came up to my waist, at best. (I miss that time.) Bored myself, I fiddled with my phone. I texted my wife to let her know how the excursion was going. After some time looking through the likes of Ain’t It Cool News I found myself looking around the store. Usual Best Buy imagery. Screaming kids. Adults wandering around to find anyone to assist them. Then, for some reason my eyes went to the entrance of the store. The sliding doors opened, as if on cue. And he walked in! Peter Watts. Howard Hughes. Jerry Blake. The frakin’ Stepfather himself! Terry O”Quinn entered the store. Like a real person. Like a I’m-Here-To-Buy-Something customer.

Terry O’Quinn came into my world in 1987. Mom rented The Stepfather and brought it home for us. And in short, it blew me away. His performance moved me. Played with this level of Hitchcock deviousness and charm. And then, for the scene as Jerry watches a client’s family. You see this tender yearning for a life he has attempted to have, countless times, and is about to fail again. I would see him again in bit parts like Blind Fury playing second fiddle support. Howard Hughes in The Rocketeer. Then once more becoming his iconic character in The Stepfather 2: Make Room For Daddy. Directed by Jeff Burr, O’Quinn turned up the camp a bit, but was still solid as can be. And Peter Watts on Millennium! Noteworthy moment is season two, episode one. Peter has a conversation with Frank about why he has three daughters and no son. The monologue moves me to tears each time as he recites to Frank how he made a deal with God. To give up his hope of having a son, in exchange for finding a missing boy in a case. The outcome is gut wrenching.

And here he was in Best Buy! “I think that’s Terry O’Quinn”. With comic timing and possibly no knowledge of who O’Quinn was, Caleb responded, “Why would Terry O’Quinn be in Best Buy?”. He was dressed in complete chill garb. Khaki Shorts, flip-flops and pink t-shirt. Beard and head shaved. Looking like Locke from Lost. “That’s Terry O’Quinn, Bubi (our nickname for Caleb)”. I went into total stalker mode. We followed Peter Watts as he hung out in the movie section. He looked at a few things and kept combing the aisle. Imagine the Jaws theme as we watched Jerry Blake, following him from row to row. He left the movies and walked over to the t.v. section. And after what seemed like an eternity, he spoke to a BB rep. Should I run home and grab my Millennium box sets to be signed? No time! He left the rep. Howard Hughes was making it for the door. I was going to lose this chance. We caught him just as he left the store. “Mr. O’Quinn?”. He turned and I gave him all the usual fanboy word salad. And he was cool. So cool the temperature dropped fifteen degrees in our immediate vicinity. He actually said that he left his wallet and to give him one second. I expressed my love for his work and how much his roles meant. His response to his favorite character question? All of them. He just loved acting. Caleb took a pic with my phone. He shook our hands and then we watched him walk off to buy his television.

I called Derek and told him of our sighting, cheering up his summer blues. Over the years I discovered that O’Quinn owns a home in Virginia Beach. While working in HVAC, a customer had witnessed him walking along the boardwalk. I guess I have Best Buy to thank for the chance meeting with The Stepfather. Wait. No, it was totally thanks to the shoddy Blu-ray from Fox Home Video. No, like many things, I was there thanks to my kids buying it for me. I never upgraded that set. Who needs part 5 anyways. I mean really. No one.

See you in Pittsburgh!

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The latest Beal Column - Posted on the site

MEH!

Last week, I made the trek into the city to visit my co-workers at Richard J. Schellbach’s MonsterKid Central Headquarters. I go there every now and again to check in with everyone, see how they’re doing and get the latest on the movies and TV series that they’re raving about. Because at Headquarters, there are two things that we pass around like a cheap hooker:

1. Good movie suggestions

2. The fucking flu!

That’s right. I went there as healthy as an ox and by the time I walked back into my apartment, five and a half hours later, I was sicker than a shithouse rodent.

When I was a tyke, I’d be fawned over by my mother, whenever I was sick. She would park me in front of the television, set up a tv tray and feed me toasted cheese sandwiches, tomato soup and chocolate milk until I felt better. And, of course, I watched as many monster movies, Outer Limits, The Twilight Zone and Alfred Hitchcock Presents as humanly possible, during that time of pampering. I enjoyed that time so much that I actually still do it today… albeit with some minor changes;

Nowadays, I usually go between chocolate milk and 85-year-old bourbon. No changes to the soup and sandwich. (Why mess with perfection?) But my food is no longer hand delivered by my sainted mother, God Rest Her Soul. It’s now brought to me by either Tiffany or Amber, in various stages of undress, depending on which day of the week it is. Tiffany’s Naughty Nurse outfit is particularly fetching. One other change; Instead of the Universal and A.I.P. movies I loved so much as a kid, I am now completely stuck on movies that I am supposed to be nuts about. The only problem is… I’m not! Don’t get me wrong. I like them okay. I’m just not head-over-heels crazy over them. And damn it, I want to know why!

It's as though obsessively watching movies like “It Follows” and “Late Night With The Devil” is going to give me that answer I’m looking for. The odd thing is, I feel differently about each movie.

NO SPOILERS HERE. So don’t get your panties in a bunch.

“It Follows” Is a pretty good flick with some genuinely creepy moments. The only problem I have with it? A few times during the movie, events happen that defy the logic of the story. They just don’t make sense, given the parameters set up in the movie that deal with the threat to the film’s victims. They leave me scratching my head in wonderment. Yet, many have spoken about this film like it’s the second coming and I just don’t get why the reviews would be that solid, given its myriad problems. So, I endlessly watch this movie because I want to like it as much as most other fans. It just doesn’t happen. Yet the Publisher of this very suite told me that he knows a guy who watched it and afterward proclaimed it his favorite horror movie, period. When asked if he liked it better than “Psycho” and a few other films, he said, “No”. Well, it doesn’t sound like it’s his favorite horror film to me. And when he was asked about the logic problems in the movie, he said that it was the dreamlike quality of the film. Look, “It Follows” may have a lot of things going for it. But I don’t see a dreamlike quality as one of them.

The oddest example of this infatuation with movies I like but don’t love remains the most recent; Late Night With The Devil. I’ve now seen it three times and counting. I think it’s a pretty solid flick. I don’t have any real problems with it. But when it was over, I was left with the feeling of, “So what?” And yes, I’m well aware that many, MANY people loved this movie. When that kind of thing happens, I think it must be me. So, I obsessively watch and wait for its genius to slap me in the face, like a bitch. It just isn’t happening… yet.

Look, you’re not going to find a guy who roots for horror movies to be great, more than I do. So, flu or no flu, I’ll watch – probably much more than I should – and hope it’ll hit me sometime before I kick the bucket.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a bourbon and a movie to get back to. The only problem is, I’m only finding the bourbon to be exceptional.

Later.

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Kathy - NEW Rich Column - Posted On The Site

The Write Stuff

The other day, I was asked a question about writing that I had never been asked before; “Did you always want to write?”

I had been asked questions about my childhood before and I ALWAYS get asked about writing something as creepy as Horror. Also, people routinely want to know how I got into show business. (Do they even still call it show business? I mean, it sounds antiquated as all get-out.) (Is “all get-out” still a thing? Well, you know what I mean.) But I was never asked as directly as “Did you always want to write?”

So, it started me thinking. By the way, I love questions that start me thinking because now that I’m semi-retired, I don’t have to think as much as I did and being a fairly lazy individual, if I don’t need to think, I usually don’t. I know – typical male. Right? Yeah. I’ll cop to that.

“Did you always want to write?” That right-to-the-point question was not asked by an interviewer or a would-be Writer. Nope. It was asked by a fifth grader. Mind you, I have been fielding questions about writing since 1984. That’s forty years, people! But it took a fifth-grade girl to ask one of the most obvious questions I’ve ever been asked.

The reason I have the opportunity to be asked writing questions by children in the 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th grades is thanks to a teacher at Hialeah Gardens Elementary School, in Hialeah, Florida. The teacher’s name is Ms. Santana and not only is she a great teacher, but she has been a great friend for over a quarter of a century. Some years back, she contacted me about the Career Day held at the school every year. She mentioned that they had Fire Fighters and Police Officers and members of the Armed Forces and big rig Operators but no one in the arts. Would I be interested in talking to kids about a career in writing? Well, since I’ve written professionally for print and television, I’d sure be able to talk to them about writing as a career… except for the fact that I had a phobia about talking in front of people, and I was terrified at the prospect of addressing multiple classes, just like Ms. Santana does on a daily basis. (And, yes! Elementary school kids are people too!)

Finally, the dreaded day was upon me. During the entire hour-long trip I must confess that I was hoping for a miracle. Due to my close friendship with Ms. Santana, I knew I couldn’t lie to her and say I’d have to bow out because I had Whooping cough or the Hypertrichosis or, God forbid, the Grippe. So, for the entire hour I kept hoping the car would break down. If, in fact, it crapped out on the side of the road, I’d be able to honestly tell her that I was stranded on the highway and by the time I got a wrecker, Career Day would be over and I wouldn’t have had to honor my commitment to her or the roughly 100 kids. But, since we had recently purchased a brand-new Hyundai Elantra that was in perfect running condition, there was little chance that I was going to be able to weasel out of my Career Day lectures.

The first class was pretty rough. My hands shook and my voice cracked whenever I pointed at the board or at one of the students or tried to speak in calming tones. To make matters worse, I was sweating up a storm. But I found as I went along that the students got quite a kick out of the fact that I write almost exclusively about humor and horror. I had brought a whole bunch of ALF cards that I had written for Topps for the children to take home and although the kids didn’t know who ALF was, they got a huge kick out of him, via the Melmacian information on the backs of the cards. On the other hand, because they did a reboot recently, today’s children have heard of Are You Afraid Of The Dark? So because it has to do with scary subjects, they think that’s extremely cool. (It pays to be a Horror Writer, I guess.)

Low and behold, as the day progressed, each class got a bit easier to handle and I hardly felt the need to throw up by the end of the day. And then, as if I had written it myself, the very last student to walk out the door of the last class stopped, turned around and walked over to me, smiled and said, “This was my favorite class of the whole day.” That’s when I melted. A huge smile came to my face and I responded, “You have no idea how you just made my day. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.”

I have done Career Day at that school three times since and it has become one of the highlights of my year. I have spoken to small crowds a few times since then and even sat on a few horror convention panels, which I truly love. And due to that first time in 2020, I never get even the slightest bit nervous or break a sweat. It comes completely natural to me. And I have Ms. Santana and a bunch of elementary school students to thank for it. Come to find out that an old dog is perfectly capable of learning a few new tricks, if that dog is willing to learn.

Oh, and just so you know, with the exception of the time I was five years old and wanted to play for the New York Yankees, with Mickey and Roger, Yes! I have ALWAYS wanted to write.

Till next time, Adios! I’m a ghost.

Kathy - New Melissa Column - Posted On The Site

"Capturing Terror: Unraveling the Haunting Mysteries of Fatal Frame: Maiden of Black Water"

Venturing into the realm of horror games often leads players on a rollercoaster of emotions, from fear to exhilaration. "Fatal Frame: Maiden of Black Water" offers an immersive experience that plunges players into a world teeming with supernatural entities, mystery, and dread. Developed by Koei Tecmo, this installment in the acclaimed Fatal Frame series is a chilling journey through eerie landscapes and haunted locales, punctuated by the unique gameplay mechanic of capturing ghosts through the lens of a camera. In this review, we'll explore the eerie depths of Maiden of Black Water and delve into its gameplay mechanics, narrative, atmosphere, and overall impact on the horror gaming genre.

At the heart of Fatal Frame: Maiden of Black Water lies its distinctive gameplay mechanic - the Camera Obscura. Players assume the roles of multiple protagonists, each equipped with this mystical camera capable of exorcising malevolent spirits. The Camera Obscura serves as both a weapon and a tool for uncovering secrets. By using the camera to photograph apparitions at the right moment, players can weaken and banish these spectral foes.

The game employs the Switch’s unique features, utilizing the GamePad as the Camera Obscura itself. This integration enhances immersion, as players physically move and aim the controller to capture ghostly entities. While the controls may take some time to master, they ultimately contribute to the game's tense atmosphere, making encounters with spirits feel all the more harrowing.

Maiden of Black Water features a blend of exploration, puzzle-solving, and combat, with a focus on atmosphere and tension. The haunting locales players traverse are laden with secrets and lore, encouraging thorough exploration. Puzzles are integrated seamlessly into the environment, often requiring players to uncover clues through keen observation and deduction. Combat encounters with ghosts are intense, requiring quick reflexes and precise timing to capture them effectively. The tension is palpable, especially during encounters with more formidable apparitions.

Set in the eerie locale of Mt. Hikami, a place shrouded in legend and tragedy, Fatal Frame: Maiden of Black Water weaves a complex narrative of loss, guilt, and redemption. The game follows multiple protagonists, each drawn to the mountain by their own motivations, as they uncover the dark secrets hidden within its mist-shrouded forests and dilapidated structures.

The narrative unfolds through a series of interconnected chapters, with each character's story intertwining with the others'. As players progress, they unravel the mysteries of Mt. Hikami and confront its tortured spirits. The storytelling is atmospheric and immersive, with a sense of foreboding permeating every encounter. The game effectively builds tension through environmental storytelling, audio cues, and chilling visuals, keeping players on edge throughout their journey.

The character development is well-executed, with each protagonist grappling with their own demons while confronting the malevolent entities that haunt Mt. Hikami. Themes of grief, regret, and the supernatural intertwine, adding depth to the narrative and characters' motivations. While the plot may occasionally falter in pacing, the overall story remains engaging and compelling, driving players forward in their quest for answers.

Visually, Fatal Frame: Maiden of Black Water excels in creating a hauntingly beautiful world fraught with peril. The environments are meticulously crafted, from the mist-laden forests to the decaying ruins of abandoned structures. Each locale is infused with a sense of history and tragedy, further immersing players in the game's eerie atmosphere.

The character models are well-designed, with intricate details that convey the protagonists' emotions and struggles. The ghostly apparitions, in particular, are rendered with chilling realism, their twisted forms and vacant stares instilling a sense of dread in players. The use of lighting and shadow adds to the game's ominous ambiance, heightening the tension during encounters with spectral foes.

Sound design plays a crucial role in enhancing the game's atmosphere, with an evocative soundtrack that shifts seamlessly between moments of quiet reflection and intense horror. Eerie ambient sounds, such as creaking floorboards and distant whispers, further contribute to the sense of unease, keeping players on edge throughout their journey.

Fatal Frame: Maiden of Black Water stands as a chilling addition to the acclaimed horror series, offering a compelling blend of atmospheric storytelling, innovative gameplay mechanics, and spine-tingling scares. With its immersive world, engaging narrative, and tense gameplay, the game is sure to delight fans of the horror genre and newcomers alike. Whether you're a seasoned ghost hunter or a brave soul looking to test your courage, prepare to embark on a harrowing journey into the heart of darkness with Fatal Frame: Maiden of Black Water.

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Kathy - Good To Go

THE KEEP (1983) 96 Min. Rated R

Michael Mann’s The Keep has a troubled background. Cut down from well over two hours to ninety-six minutes by the studio, guaranteed that Mann had nothing good to say about the movie when it was finally released and, although it boasts some Grade A acting talent, (including Scott Glen, Ian McKellen, Jurgen Prochnow and Gabriel Byrne) they weren’t the kinds of actors Johnny Carson would regularly seek out as guests for the Tonight Show. Therefore, the movie got no initial release buzz.

The Keep got a home video VHS release after its theatrical run. But, let’s face it, everything was on videotape in the first half of the eighties. After that, there was nothing when Laserdiscs, DVDs and Blu-Rays were king… at least not in the good ol’ U.S. of A. There has been home video and streaming releases in the new century. Alas, it was too late by then for a new generation to find much appreciation for it.

But there are many reasons to watch this one. Like just about everything else Michael Mann has directed, The Keep looks nothing like its contemporaries. The effects are top notch, as are the acting performances, and the music drives the film along like the best of Tangerine Dream’s scores. Now, thankfully, you can find it on disc on Amazon and even streaming in a few places.

Seek this one out, if you missed it, all these years. It’s well worth the watch.